Twas the Night Before Christmas


Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the apartment,

a chase was being led by the Cleveland Police Department.

No stockings were hung, nor Christmas lights lit up,

Since there were no chimneys or balconies in this seven flight walkup.

The children were nestled all snug in the tub

While their parents’ kept watch with a bat or a club

And Benny with his taser, and I with my gat

Were preparing to knock over the corner laundromat.

When all of a sudden we heard this loud moan,

But scary, not sexy like when you give a girl a bone.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

To check and see if it was just some cat in the trash.

But I didn’t see a pussy, I could barely see a thing

Like that time my eyes swelled up after that nasty ass bee sting.

But I didn’t need to see it cause sound was enough.

The jingle and jangle of police issued handcuffs.

I had did my time and I wasn’t going back.

Police trying to ruin my Christmas for celebrating while Black.

I opened up my door and prepared to fire

So live and smokin’ you could call me Richard Prior.

"Fuck you popo! ! Fuck you, pig! You can all suck My dick!

Coming up here on Christmas, now that is some shit.

Get out of my house, get out of me home!

Just go back where you came from and leave us alone"

But when the dust settled and my ammo ran out

Benny turned to me and he started to shout

Something had grabbed a hold of him, but it wasn’t the police.

He was white and bearded and slightly obese.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think it was Santa

Except for the fact that his red hat read MAGA

He snorted and huffed “Now listen to me!”

“I’m the greatest, smocking gun, I’m uge, covfefe!”

“Quick!” Benny yelled, “I think he’s having a stroke!”

But that’s when I noticed his suit was covered in coke.

“That’s not mine!” he yelled. “After all, I’m not black!”

And that’s when Benny freed himself and gave Trump a slap.

His eyes got all watery and his wig was displaced,

“Yo bitch!” Benny yelled How’s it feel to get tased?”

Trump drooled from his mouth and onto his chin

And then Benny’s eyes lit up with that shit eating grin,

He lit up a joint and blew smoke in Trump’s face;

“I know it’s convenient for you to make this about race,

But you’re hated by most, regardless of color creed

An attitude adjustment is just what you need”

Benny took out a knife and gave him a Glasgow Smile

Benny laughed and said “sit and stay for awhile;

But I thought man, Benny, this has gone too far!

He’ll need more than self tanner to cover that scar!

Benny turned to me with the knife in his hand,

And that’s when I noticed the 15- karat wedding band,

“Wait! You’re not Benny!” I screamed in a freight,

I started to sweat and clenched my fist tight;

“I know who you are and this whole mess is Shady!

Then Benny took off his face and revealed the First Lady.

Then she got up and left, and I screamed “What do I do?”

But she put on her coat, “I really don’t care, do u?

by Jacqueline Pizzimenti

Timothy Pizza