Ensign's Log: Star Date 41153.8

 by Grant Mulitz

Grant Mulitz

Our destination is the planet Deneb 4, beyond which lies the great unexplored mass of the galaxy. At least, I think that’s where we’re going. I asked my commanding officer, who asked his commanding officer, who asked her commanding officer, who asked Lieutenant Worf, who asked the Captain where we’re going, and he said Deneb 4. So… great?


The Academy did not prepare me for all the free time I would have traveling between systems. I’ve run out of things to do when I’m not monitoring the warp core. I can only play center for the Raiders in the 2238 NBA finals on the holodeck so many times in a row.


Usually all I have to do is wait until the dilithium crystals stabilize once we hit warp 4 or 5, and then the ship basically takes care of the rest itself. Then I go back to my quarters and either hang out or write this log. Why does the Captain make everyone write a log?


You know, it’s a good thing they put windows in my bunk so I can stare out into the blackness of the void. If I wasn’t constantly reminded the only thing separating me from the vacuum of space is a few inches of transparent aluminum, I might have gone crazy. Thanks Starfleet.

Actually, today was kind of nuts. The captain had us go to warp 9.7 for about five minutes. It was not pretty. I heard Lt. Commander LaForge yelling the F-word the entire time on the lower decks, and naturally I had to explain what “fuck” means to Lt. Commander Data. And I’m pretty sure Lt. Barclay peed himself.


I still don’t know why we had to do that. Where were we going to so quickly? Or… what were we running from so quickly? It seems like some kind of grand adventure should be happening every week or so, but all I’ve heard are rumors about the Borg Cube and that Counselor Troi and Commander Riker used to hook up. The Bridge really doesn’t tell me anything official though.

Oh, and now there are humongous alien jellyfish outside my window. Man, I am really out of the loop.


Grant Mulitz is a comedy writer and software dork who will watch anything with the word "star" in the title. Disney knows this and exploits it regularly. He can be followed at:




Timothy PizzaComment