Horrorscopea for June 2018
Aquarius – January 20th through February 18th
Venus is in Gatorade, the thirst quencher. Your life is a sport now, drink it up now Bud.
Pisces – February 19th through March 20th
When the sun flickers, reflect on the importance of sustaining applicable friendships with those who know where all the Bees are. You’ll need some Bees later.
Aries – March 21st through April 19th
To tall for hands for hands from above, to lean on? Wouldn’t be good enough? For me, no… You had a promise made, mind is a razor blade.
Taurus – April 20th through May 20th
Stop watching people eat ice cream, there’s a bad moon on the rise.
Gemini – May 21st through June 20th
Is there somewhere else you can stay tonight?
Cancer – June 21st through July 22nd
Avoid elevators if your nickname is “Coop.” You’ll wind up trapped in one with three women in labor. At the very least, keep some latex gloves and some Xanax with you. The Xanax is for YOU Coop, not the women, Bud.
Leo – July 23rd through August 22nd
Hang with yams, they’ll want to hang with you.
Virgo – August 23rd through September 22nd
I know there's pain
Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
Libra – September 23rd through October 22nd
Hug a drifter.
Scorpio – October 23rd through November 21st
That mole you got removed, it wants you to verify some stuff on LinkedIn.
Sagittarius – November 22nd through December 21st
As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti
I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become
It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you…
Capricorn – December 22nd through January 19th
Avoid yams, and they’ll avoid you.