Horrorscopea for June 2018


Aquarius – January 20th through February 18th

Venus is in Gatorade, the thirst quencher. Your life is a sport now, drink it up now Bud. 

Pisces – February 19th through March 20th

When the sun flickers, reflect on the importance of sustaining applicable friendships with those who know where all the Bees are. You’ll need some Bees later. 

Aries – March 21st through April 19th

To tall for hands for hands from above, to lean on? Wouldn’t be good enough? For me, no… You had a promise made, mind is a razor blade.

Taurus – April 20th through May 20th

Stop watching people eat ice cream, there’s a bad moon on the rise.

Gemini – May 21st through June 20th

Is there somewhere else you can stay tonight?

Cancer – June 21st through July 22nd

Avoid elevators if your nickname is “Coop.” You’ll wind up trapped in one with three women in labor. At the very least, keep some latex gloves and some Xanax with you. The Xanax is for YOU Coop, not the women, Bud.

Leo – July 23rd through August 22nd

Hang with yams, they’ll want to hang with you.



Virgo – August 23rd through September 22nd

I know there's pain

Why do you lock yourself up in these chains?

No one can change your life except for you

Don't ever let anyone step all over you

Just open your heart and your mind

Is it really fair to feel this way inside?


Libra – September 23rd through October 22nd

Hug a drifter.

Scorpio – October 23rd through November 21st

That mole you got removed, it wants you to verify some stuff on LinkedIn. 

Sagittarius – November 22nd through December 21st

As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti

I seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that I've become

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you…


Capricorn – December 22nd through January 19th

Avoid yams, and they’ll avoid you.

Anica Cihla