Love Potion Number 👁

As many of you know, math can be a very difficult subject for a great number of people. Yet it doesn’t need to be. Mad Math is a monthly article which will help you with all the mathematical problems you may encounter.

This month we’ll be discussing love and dating algorithms!

It’s V-Day again, and you’re all alone due to your own insecurities and shortcomings. Don’t worry! Everyone’s been there! Well, I haven’t because I’m omniscient, but you have. So today we’re going to do some math to make you the perfect significant other.

We have some easy tricks to show you using the simple Tesseractian Constant, or TC for short! What’s that, you may ask? Well don’t. Nobody knows. Well, except me. It’s a numerical constant from an alternate dimension that gives you prophetic visions of the future.

So you want love? Then let’s do this. I could break down the love-math for you along the way, but I want to keep this one short and sweet so that your Valentine’s Day can be everything you desire in soulless parts of your heart!

Step 1: Let’s make an honest dating profile. Don’t hold back! Take a look at mine.

(I made it with this simple tool!)

(I made it with this simple tool!)

But, despite updating all my dating apps, I surprisingly didn’t didn’t reel any in!

Screen Shot 2018-02-14 at 12.05.12 AM.png

Step 2: Add some TC spice!

Let’s change things up! Update your profile photo with the Tesseractian Constant like so…

Screen Shot 2018-02-14 at 12.06.53 AM.png

Step 3: Chant

Chant about how you demand love from the world for around 13 seconds. One that works for me personally is chanting a something like “I am all, I am god, I am lovable, they will love me.” The goal is to remind yourself of your own superiority above all other living things. You have to find the egotistical power chant that really works for you.

Step 4: Prophet (Get it?)

Now just let the visions take you and feel the deep euphoria of the TC.

When you wake up, you’ll find that your notifications are infinite and your pathetic soul is gone!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Jacob Duffy Halbleib