The 2022 NFL Season, 102nd in National Football League history


“I slid past the left tackle, ran full speed for a sack on Tim Tebow, and as I dove at him he just disappeared!” 

Referees are having a hard time officiating pro-football with all the random raptures that are taking place in the first season since the apocalypse started. In the play mentioned above, it was ruled a fumble and the defense got possession of the ball, but how do you officiate players being kidnapped by God at random times? 

It’s a question that has been debated heavily by 31 of 32 teams (The Browns finally feel they have a chance and are embracing the Raptures.) Suggestions have ranged from required pregame demon worship to all players must eat ketchup on steak before each game to decrease the likelihood of rapture.

These techniques have not been working as yesterday saw a moment where a predominant 5x Super Bowl winning quarterback threw a perfect pass to a wide open receiver in the end zone who just vanished...letting the ball hit the ground like a frat boy after his first keg stand.  Remember those?

We reached out to the head of officiating for clarification on some of the in game rules, but they were recently Raptured as well. 

*At the time of this writing there are only two teams left, with one player each. It is Vontaze Burfict vs Ndamukong Suh.




Seth Goodtime